11.3.09 - Stephanie PM

Today was a good day. I had the lunch buffet at Lowery's because Stella could eat off of it for free and I am broke. :) First, I made a giant salad and then went to the buffet and had ONE plate. I loaded up on green beans and had 2 bites of different dishes such as chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes, and fried popcorn shrimp - just enough to taste! I felt like I wanted to go back for more but did not. Woo hoo!

Tonight I made vegetable lasagna with a ton of veggies. Toby came by for dinner and he said "yeah, there's a few veggies in here." lol! I made it with whole wheat noodles, low fat ricotta, spinach, brocolli, and marinara sauce. I had a piece and then went back and fixed myself another little piece...and then put it back in the pan! I decided I didn't really want it and made myself a glass of wine instead.

I had sort of a revelation earlier and it probably won't sound too positive, but it really is.... basically, I am not going to be able to focus 100% on LOSING weight until I get the rest of my life back in order. I need to secure a job, bring in an income again, and figure out my marriage. Things are looking up in all aspects, BUT... I have SO much on my plate, I just need to focus on eating right, getting exercise when I can, and LOVING MYSELF AS IS.

I think before I can be successful, I have GOT to get rid of these constant negative voices in my head regarding my weight and my body. It's awful. I want this to be a major focus for myself. Negativity breeds negativity and I honestly think that's why my weight has been stuck and my eating has just been out of control. I don't CARE. And I have to start TRULY caring about myself.

Deep thoughts for this evening!! ;)