11.16.09 - Stephanie AM

Obviously, I am super-struggling. I have gained 8 lbs in the last month or two and I might as well have gained 80 - that's how I feel. My clothes do not fit - button down shirts I bought 2 months ago for job interviews! I had the big interview last week and my spare tire was peeking out of the buttons when I sat down. GAH!! This NEEDS to be enough to motivate me, but it's not. I think I am now to the point of absolute rock bottom that it's more comfortable to just stay there, know what I mean?

I should hear if I got the job tomorrow. I FEEL like I got it. So this is a good thing... Toby and I are making plans for him to move back in soon. That will be great on many levels. Life will get back to normal in a BETTER way - we have learned SO MUCH from counseling, most importantly tools to communicate much better than we used to. He is FINALLY realizing and accepting the fact that the way HE was brought up was not ok and it's not ok to continue that communication style... It seems like he has done a 180 in the past 5 months. I know there will be obstacles but with continued counseling and hard work on our parts, things will be good. No, great.

And with him moving back in, I will be more active and not as "bored" and I won't fill that time with TV and food like I have been doing. When he has Stella, I just don't know what to do with myself so I revert back to old habits of eating for entertainment. I am convinced that is where these 8 lbs have come from. I COULD HAVE worked out during that down time, but that was like asking me to poke my eyeballs out. Not gonna do it.

So, I FEEL like great things are on the horizon and that this depression will lift...but now I have to go back to UNlearning these habits I have developed again.

My 2 main goals right now are simple. Just EAT LESS (portion control), no nighttime snacking while watching TV, and drink more water.

That's all I can handle right now.

Mary - you are an inspiration. Keep it up. So proud of you for going back to meetings.